The Greatest Kindness of All
My new novel, A Single Act of Kindness, is about introverted Tilda, who surprises herself by helping down-on-his-luck Milo. This generous act changes her own life in ways she never expected. I hope the story demonstrates how kindness breeds kindness.
However, I feel it’s worth highlighting an important point that I missed for years: kindness should start with yourself. Being kind to YOU is the greatest kindness of all. I only realized this in 2016 when I went through an incredibly difficult time with my mental health. When I came out of the other side, I became aware of how critical and unkind that voice in my head had been over the years. It frequently told me what a failure I was in terms of my career, my appearance. It’s a voice we all have that can be heightened by mental health issues – in my case an eating disorder spanning decades.
The sad thing is, I used to listen, and lead my life to appease that cruel voice, berating myself if a book didn’t sell as well as another, putting my poor body through yet another diet. It’s a voice that has come and gone, during my life, but it’s always there, lurking in the background, waiting to pounce when I’m tired or facing challenges.
I feel there are several explanations for why this voice in us exists. One theory, out there, is that the inner critical voice comes from unkind things people had said or done to you, over the years, that you’ve taken to heart. You’ve internalised those unkind judgements and given them a platform to speak.
The positive about emerging from my rock bottom in 2016 was that I developed a new perspective on that voice, along with the strength to silence it, in a way I never had before. It still pipes up on testing days, telling me I could do so much better, on so many levels. And in return I tell it that, actually, I’m okay, that I’m only human, that if I make mistakes it doesn’t make me a bad person. I tell it that if someone’s going to judge me, for just being myself, then they aren’t worthy of any space in my head. I’ve stripped the voice of its power. It’s still there – but now I see its true colours.
So be kind to yourself. Maybe consider that part of that internal critical voice could be an amalgamation of everything negative said to you over the years by unkind people. Develop a new voice that’s kind and giving. Hey you, there! Stop putting yourself down! You’re doing all right!
You can pick up Samantha’s brand new book A Single Act of Kindness here: https://mybook.to/singleactsocial