Do you want to join The Fecking Fabulous Forties Club?
NB: You don’t have to be in your forties – if you feel it looming large, or you’ve come out the other end and still standing, then come sit at our table. Bring wine. And paracetamol for the morning after.
Membership Criteria:
- You have discovered at least one, and possibly several rogue thick, dark hairs in places on your body where they have not grown before. Most notably these will have appeared on your chin. In addition, white hairs may have appeared in places you never expected, like in your eye brows, or worst of all ‘down there’.
- You have on at least one occasion asked yourself if you might be a ‘Karen’ after losing your shit in an epic style over a minor inconvenience such as: Someone not saying thank you when you hold a door open to them, cashiers ignoring you while looking at their phones, being too hot, being too cold, M&S having sold out of the Chicken Caesar Salad you were thinking about all day, losing your keys, losing your phone, losing your mind. (This list is not exhaustive).
- You don’t know where to shop for clothes anymore. You don’t want tops that are cropped, or frocks have bits cut out of them in the name of fashion. But nor are you ready for polyester slacks and a twin set.
- You secretly quite like an elasticated waist though, but they wouldn’t be able to waterboard that fact out of you.
- While you still look lovingly at your high heels and strappy sandals, you would fully support a campaign to normalise comfortable footwear. You may even own a pair of Crocs.
- Your libido might just have become a libi-don’t.
- Your nest is emptying, one off-spring at a time, and no one warned you how much that would hurt. Or how much it would cost.
- You’ve become acutely aware of the passage of time and live in fear of losing your loved ones which is why you need your parents to ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE when you call them.
- You know all the words to the rap from ‘Shocked’ by Kylie Minogue, the theme tune to The Fresh Prince of Belair, and Smells Like Teen Spirit.
- You’ve come to realise who the important people are in your life and why you love them.