I’ll Be There For You
When we first moved to France in 2009, it was a bit of a leap into the dark. Looking back, I wonder how we managed to pluck up the courage to move hundreds of miles away from everything we knew, to a country whose language we barely spoke and to a place where family were a plane ride or a day’s drive away.
What I didn’t know then was the sense of community I’d find; the connection and the friends who have become like family. Of course, unless you’re deeply unlucky or have terrible personal hygiene, you’re probably going to make a few friends when you settle somewhere new. The difference here though was the depth and speed of the friendships we made.
Naturally, when we first arrived we made as many inroads as we could with the French community and our neighbours, but with our language still in its rusty GCSE form, we found ourselves making connections with the many anglophones who live in this area too.
And in doing so, found a new kind of family.
Usually when you move to a new area but stay in your country of origin, most people you come across have already got some friends and often family in the area. You find yourself slotting in as a ‘new’ friend, and it can take time to feel you’ve really established yourself.
The difference we’ve found on moving here here is that many of the people we meet in the anglophone community are in a similar boat – they have moved to a distant dot on the map and left behind long-held connections and their roots. They’ve needed people around them and understand how you probably feel when you first arrive. That’s why I think a strong sense of loyalty and mutual support develops quite quickly within that community – we all miss and need family, so we become like family to one another.
And it goes beyond friendships of convenience. The people I’ve bonded with are people whom I’d have clicked with anywhere. Living in rural France takes a certain amount of resilience, creativity and often a deep desire for a different sort of lifestyle. It means that people we meet, both those who’ve immigrated here and French people who’ve chosen to move here from cities, often see life in a similar way and have similar values.
In ‘The Bordeaux Book Club’ the members find themselves developing into this type of ‘found family’ where they quickly form friendships and become a support network for one another. The book club becomes more than the sum of its parts – and sees each member through crisis and growth. I hope that it reflects the kind of relationships we form when we live apart from everything and everyone we once knew.
With 14 years in France under my belt, I know I have friends I can call on in any situation; friends I’d go above and beyond for, and those who’d do the same for me. I’ve supported friends through illness, relationship difficulties and work-related disasters, and have had similar support in return. I know there are people I can call who will down tools to help me if required. And it’s this kind of ‘found family’ alongside more ordinary friendships and connections that makes life in France work.
Recently, we’ve been thinking about the longer-term future and I know we may not live in France forever. But if we do decide to leave the country I’ve learned to love, the wrench will be similar to that I felt when I left my relatives in the UK behind and jumped to the continent.
I’ll be going back to family, but I’ll be leaving a different sort of family behind.