- Exercise is a waste of time. It takes several marathons to burn off one banana so save yourself the effort. Don’t eat bananas. Bananas make you slip up!
- Every other day put a ping pong ball in your mouth and keep it there for twelve hours.
- Never eat breakfast. Save your breakfast calories for chocolate.
- Sleep less. Stay up two hours later every night. Insomniacs burn more calories than sloths.
- Fidgets are thinner. Tap your feet and drum roll your fingers at every opportunity.
Quote from Mr B. ‘It’s not rocket science, a ten-year-old zounderkite can follow my diets.’
Disclaimer from Clara King, manager of the Bluebell Cliff Hotel – currently rolling her eyes in horror.
‘The views expressed above are Mr B’s only and certainly DO NOT reflect the official ethos of the Bluebell Cliff Hotel or any of its employees.’
‘Independent advice should always be taken when beginning a weight loss regime.’
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